How to make chicken curry

1.2 Kg Chicken (or whatever the packed, cut chicken pack weighs at your neighbourhood supermarket)
2 Tomatoes – diced (or whatever you can do with it)
2 Onions – chopped (or whatever you can do with it)
1 thick slice of butter (thicker the better)
Garlic paste – 1 squeeze out of the packet
Salt – to taste.
Turmeric – to yellow-fy
Take chicken out of the freezer.
Forget about it for around 3 hours, till it de-rockifies.
Once the chicken is breakable into smaller pieces (the de-rockification would not have been complete, do not worry), put it into a large dish / bowl / something that can hold the entire thing, without getting chicken blood/ guts/ thingies all over your kitchen counter. Cover it with warm water, as much as possible.
Once the chicken is soft and tender, yes, exactly like that teddy bear you sleep with, marinate it with salt and turmeric.
If the chicken looks pink, you have not put enough turmeric.
Pour the salt. Dont be miserly. It is pretty cheap. Put in as much salt as your heart desires. (If you are the kinds who are more at home with a Magismomanometer, then follow these instructions: Make a slit in the packet of salt having diameter 1 mm. Pour out the salt through the newly created slit for 7 seconds. You are allowed to use all precision instruments at your disposal for this process.)
Cover the chicken and watch 2 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.
Put the butter in a large kadhai and fry the chopped onions.
Wait till their colour changes to Jessica Alba’s skin. Yea baby.
Pay attention to the onions. You do not want them to look like Venus Williams’.
Add the tomatoes.
Wait till they are a little dry and wrinkly. Like Madonna.
Add the chicken.
Add the garlic paste. As much as you can squeeze out in 5 seconds.
Err… stir.
Add water. As much as you want. You want your chicken pieces to be fully covered.
Stir more.
Go watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
Go watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother.
Come back and find your chicken curry ready.

What? It worked for me!
Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for any bowel related issues that you might face on trying this. Try this at your own risk.

2 Responses to “How to make chicken curry”

  1. What a fun post! I love your cooking style.

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